Not Another Ordinary Girl

If you know me online, offline, on SL, Plurk, Facebook, FetLife, or in my real life, then this post is pretty much for you.

As most or all of you know, I’ve been through a lot of shit this last month. Finding out one of my older sisters has cancer, having a falling out with another one of my sisters, fights with other people, getting shit about my relationship from people who thought they were my friends, and more little things that added up and made for a very stressful month. What shines through though, the thing that gives me hope, what keeps me sane… is my friends. Those of you who truly support me and my relationship. You mean more to me than you can possibly realize.

You don’t have to be the biggest fan of Snow. There’s a difference though. The fact that my relationship is respected by my true friends means so much to me. After all the shit I’ve gotten, I know I can get through as long as I have Snow and my friends. Seriously, y’all keep me sane when I feel like snapping. You don’t talk shit to me when I feel like my relationship with her is on a thin line. Bottom line is no relationship is perfect. The bad stuff is worth it in the end, and I’m starting to realize that I’m not the only one who thinks that. I wasn’t very smart to think that I’m alone, now was I? I have too many people who love me to be alone. Even if you live in my computer, you don’t mean any less to me than the friends I can hug. <3

Okay, let’s see if I can concentrate and think straight long enough to do a decent post. I’ve been sick all day, which is kinda my fault because I got so angry last night. But let me back up a little.

So yesterday, I blogged about being pissed of at one of my friends. My Mistress saw it and asked who I was talking about, and she found out and wrote said friend a note. As you can guess, it wasn’t a nice note. Honestly though I don’t blame my Mistress. She was mad, as was I. Then last night, my friend logged onto SL after seeing the note and started basically bitching me out. Then her boyfriend (who has been nothing but mean about my relationship with my Mistress) got onto me too, and it ended up turning into a huge screaming bitch fight. It wasn’t pretty and I ended up throwing my voice out from screaming so much. I also had gotten so angry and stressed out that I ended up making myself sick. I woke up with a sore throat, queasy stomach, cough, low grade fever… yeah. Not good.

So I’ve been laying in bed all day relaxing, sleeping off and on, finishing a book and watching a movie, all the while I’ve been of course texting my Mistress. She ordered me to come blog about learning my lesson about dealing with stupid people, so I brought my laptop into bed with me. Total win. But anyway. I really need to stop dealing with stupid shit. Last night was the straw that broke the camel’s back. After all the shit I got, not only about me but about my Mistress and about my relationship, I’m not taking it anymore. You can talk shit to my face. Fine, I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself. But when you start talking shit about the person I’m in love with behind their back? Hell no. I will not take that shit.

No matter how long I’ve known certain people, be it a week, 5 months, 3 years, whatever, I know that some people will never change. I should have learned this a long time ago because it would have saved me a lot of time and energy. However, I’m the kind of person that thinks I can change and fix people. My Mistress said it best… I spend time and care about people and things even after they’ve been proven to be a waste of my time. I should know better by now, and I should have been done with these people a long time ago. I’m really for real done this time. I’ve had so many unnecessary fights with them, and now I’ve made myself sick from anger and stress. That’s not me. I don’t DO things like this. Well, no more. Just no more. I’ve learned my lesson.

This is something that’s been on my mind for awhile, and I’ve probably ranted about it before, but fuck it, I’m gonna rant about it again because writing these things out helps me.

So last night I disappointed my Mistress by being jealous of something. Which, by the way, if you see this Mistress I’m sorry for disappointing you. Anyway, I went to a couple of my friends about it and basically all hell broke loose. One of my friends kept saying things like “I don’t like the way she’s treating you, I don’t think she’s respecting you, it seems like the relationship is really one-sided, you deserve so much better, she’s not a good person, it doesn’t seem like she loves you as much as you love her, she’s not even on SL so she’s not there for you, I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

You don’t know how much all of this pissed me off. I was so angry that I was crying. I came back with “I’m hanging on to the hope that things will be better when we’re together for real, and all the bullshit will be worth it.” She said “Well what if they’re not?”

Fucking… just kick me down why don’t ya?? I’m already sitting here fucking CRYING because you pissed me off and talked about my Mistress in such a negative way.

I ignored her the rest of the night. And now here’s where the ranting comes in.

I don’t fucking CARE what anyone else has to say about my relationship with my Mistress. She loves me more than people may think. She’s there for me when no one else will be. She knows me so well it scares me. No one sees what goes on behind the scenes, and they always see the bad even when I talk about the good and I rant and rave and get all mushy and stuff. Yeah, okay, I will admit I care when she ignores me or when she says something hurtful. But you know what? NOTHING can tear me away from her. Absolutely nothing. No guy trying to get into my pants, no words, nothing from anyone and nothing in this fucking UNIVERSE can tear away from her. Nothing can make me stop loving her.

She is my Mistress, the love of my life, my best friend, my reason to wake up every morning, my light in the darkness, my calm in the storm, my most trusted confidante, my guide, my teacher, my world, my heart, my other half, the one who completes my way, and my everything. Nothing and nobody in this world matters to me more than she does. People are crazy and not in a good way if they think they can make me think anything less of her.

This in my SL profile about her:

“Snow is the most strong, amazing, and beautiful woman I have ever met in my entire life. Shit has happened, but no matter what happens, she will always hold the biggest piece of my heart. She will ALWAYS have the most special place IN my heart. I would be the most honored and blessed young woman on the face of the earth if she ever decides one day that I have the right to wear her Collar again. I will love her forever, no matter what, come what may.”

Come. What. May. That means no matter what happens, no matter what life throws at us, no matter what people say or think, no matter what I lose, no matter who I lose, no matter how far away we are geographically, no matter how hard it might get sometimes. I would do anything for her, no questions asked, no hesitation.

You wanna know something else? I get shit all the time about my life and how I need to do things or stop doing certain things. The difference between the people who give me shit for no reason and my Mistress is that she does it out of love. She genuinely wants to see me succeed and be happy in life when everyone wants me to fail. She loves me like no one has ever loved me before, and I do the same for her. She deserves the world.

And people are gonna try to tear me away from her? Hell no. I will fight until I have no fight left. I will love her forever. People might say maybe too much fighting is a bad thing and that the amount of fighting I have to do to keep her in my life should tell me something. You know, it does tell me something. It tells me that I’m willing to fight to the end. The fact that I’m willing to fight should tell people something, ya know? I’m not gonna lose her. I will keep her in my life even it if means losing everything.

So this is something that has been bugging me a lot: Respect, or rather lack thereof. When a person is in a relationship, be it D/s or vanilla, they are taken by and/or in love with the person they’re with. They’re off limits, so to speak. In my experience, when a person outside of the relationship (friend, stranger, ex, etc.) sees a person in a relationship, they go after them as if they were single, either not caring or not knowing about the other person. They like the idea of “forbidden fruit”, so to speak.

For instance, take me and my Mistress. We’ve been together for a year and a half. I’m just about as forbidden and off-limits as they come. Some people respect that. Great! Thank you for that! However, some people don’t. I’ve gotten messages from people, namely Doms, thinking they can boss me around, or that just because I’m a submissive I’ll be their submissive. That’s not the case. I’m taken, owned, whatever you want to call it. More than that, I’m happily taken, as I’ve written in numerous blog posts, writings, and even in my profile on here.

They think they can get me to stray. They think they can get me to play with them and it’ll be “our secret”. Thing is, I don’t like keeping secrets from my Mistress. I’m a person who doesn’t let things go that easily. I carry around more guilt than I probably should, and I don’t want or need any more, thank you very much. It’s crippling, and carrying enough guilt in the “right” way can make me spiral into a crushing depression that is very hard to get out of.

Anyway, I don’t know any other subs that like keeping secrets from their Dom/Domme. It’s not a good thing, and it’s a matter of respect. I know some people probably don’t think subs deserve respect, but that’s not true. If you think it’s true, there’s something wrong there. I’m not trying to be judgmental, but come on. I may be a sub but that doesn’t mean I’m not a human being with feelings that can get hurt, and a heart, and a mind of my own.

Respect is universal. Not one person in a D/s relationship deserves it over the other. It’s an equal opportunity type thing. It’s mutual in the relationship of course, but that’s a given. What I’m saying here is that people outside of the relationship should respect the fact that neither person in the relationship wants to do anything to fuck it up. I think if people respected others more, the world would be a better place, or at least a little happier, ya know? People would be happier. I know I’m happy when I get at least a little respect.

In case you couldn’t tell, I have a huge issue with this. It’s not just in my relationship with my Mistress though. I see lack of respect everywhere, even in my own household, and honestly I’m tired of it. I try to be as respectful as I can to the people that deserve it, myself included. I don’t think it’s selfish to say that as ahuman being, I deserve to be respected. My Mistress deserves to be respected in her wishes when it comes to me. If you’d like to know them, take a look at my profile.

Anyway, yeah. I don’t think a little respect is too much to ask. It’s a nice thing to give and to receive, and you never know when you can brighten someone’s day by giving a little of it. A little respect goes a long way. Just sayin’.

I’ve been thinking about something these last few days. I know, general statement right? Well I’ll explain, I promise. This has to do with Snow so if you’re tired of seeing mushy stuff about her then move along please.

I’ve been through some shit the last couple of weeks. I won’t go into details, but basically I got crap from two different people about my relationship with Snow. What they said really got to me and I got mad about it. I ended up ranting to a friend about it, and through ranting I realized something. Snow came into my life at the exact perfect time. Let me back up a little though.

My mom had passed away a couple of months before, shit wasn’t going well at home, and just when I thought I couldn’t handle any more heartbreak, the guy I was seeing at the time broke up with me. Then BAM, Snow came into my life when I was about ready to snap. She lifted me up and brought me out of an all-consuming darkness that I thought was impossible to get out of. We sort of bonded over a mutual hatred for my ex, and the rest, as they say, is history. I fell in love with her within a day of knowing her.

Do I believe in soulmates? Maybe. Do I believe in love at first sight? Oh yes. Do I believe in fate and destiny? YES. I’ve said dozens of times how much I love Snow and how much she means to me. This post isn’t particularly about that though. It’s about the fact that haters and fake friends can say what they want. The fact of the matter is, Snow came into my life a the exact perfect time, almost like she was meant to find me in one of my darkest hours. I’m in love with her, and she’s in love with me, and that’s all that matters.

I am forever grateful for everything she has done for me. She’s helped me grow stronger. She knows exactly what I need without me telling her anything. She can read me like a picture book. She’s become such a huge part of my life that I can’t very well give her up, now can I? She’s my love, my guide, my teacher, my best friend, and my Mistress. Her FetLife profile may say she’s considering me, but don’t be fooled. I am hers, and I have been since the day we met, and I always will be.

I meant to write about this yesterday, but I got sidetracked with multiple things and then it dawned on me this morning. Y’all are probably wondering what I’m talking about, so I’ll tell you. Warning, if you have a queasy stomach I’d advise that you skip the middle of this next paragraph.

On May 22nd, 2011, I cut myself for the last time. Before that date, I had (and still have) problems with depression, hating myself, believing that everything bad in my life was my fault, and getting so down on myself that I wouldn’t listen to anyone who tried to tell me different. I’m getting better about that with each day that passes though.

Anyway, I took everything out on myself with my razor. That day was a dark one for me. I won’t go into details about why I cut myself, I think only one person knows that, but I did. I cut into my wrist so deeply that it left a gash about two inches long and a centimeter wide. I didn’t mean to cut that deep, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. I bled for an hour and a half, and I almost passed out from a combination of shock, fear, and blood loss. I didn’t go to the ER or anything like that because I didn’t want to get locked up in a psych ward or something. I also didn’t let anyone in my family know for fear of being called stupid. I waited it out and talked to my Mistress Snow, and she made me swear up and down to never do it again.

I promised with everything I had that I never would again, and surprisingly (to myself at least) I have kept that promise. To say that I haven’t been tempted, however, would be a lie. There have been times when I got dangerously close to doing it, but I held back because I remembered the promises I made to people that I wouldn’t, online and offline. I still think about doing it more than I’d like to admit. Anyway, if you’re reading this and you’ve known me (on Plurk, in RL, in SL, on Facebook, etc.) then you’ve more than likely played a small part in helping to keep me sane and as happy as I could have managed to be in my darkest hours. I would say that going one year without physically harming myself intentionally is a victory in its own right. Here’s hoping that by this time next year I won’t even be thinking about it anymore.

I think this song fits this post very well.

The force of her cock pounding into me almost makes me lose my balance, but she grabs my hair and makes me bend to look up at her. My eyes full of pure desire,hers full of sadistic lust, she smirks “You like being fucked by Mistress’s cock, don’t you?” I gulp and stammer “Y-yes Mistress, I do, I fucking love it!”She chuckles and lets my hair go before pulling out halfway then slowly pushing back in. I quiver with anticipation, whimpering softly, loving every second.

She builds up a slow, steady rhythm, her nails raking up and down my ass,
leaving five red lines on each cheek. I moan and move my hips to match her
movements, my fingers itching to play with my clit but I know I must have
permission from her. I spread my legs, arching my back, looking back at her with
pleading eyes “Mistress may I please rub my clit?” “Yes, you may. Rub it exactly
how I tell you to.” “Yes Mistress, how would you like me to do it?”

“Pinch it between your thumb and index finger. Not too hard, but hard enough to
make yourself feel both pain and pleasure at the same time.” I brace one hand
against the ground, her cock still driving slowly in and out of my pussy as I
whimper and pinch my clit between my fingers, feeling delicious jolts of pain
course through my veins. I whimper and she smacks my left ass cheek, then my
right, fucking me a little faster, making me moan louder with each movement.

I keep pinching my clit, fingers staying still, knees quavering. She smirks “Now
run two fingers around it, going at whatever speed you wish, not actually
touching it unless I say you can.” I shift my fingers and do exactly that, a
soft, shuddering moan passing through my lips. “That’s my good little slut.” she
whispers as she leans forward and kisses between my shoulders, making me blush.
I arch my back, feeling her cock hit my g-spot and I almost lose it.

I moan even louder, still taking care not to touch my clit, loving when she
tells me to rub it like this because “it’s an excellent exercise in self
control”. I move my fingers slightly faster, feeling them slip a little because
of how wet I am. Suddenly she grabs my wrist and pulls me up, standing up with
me in her grasp, her cock buried deep in my pussy. We walk to the door and she
pushes it open, leaving it like that because the rain has started to let up.

She pushes me forwoard, bending me at my waist so my top half rests on the bed.
I move my hands behind my back and she grasps both wrists in one hand, rendering
me helpless to submit to her as she starts pounding into my pussy again, this
time with more force, using her free hand to smack my left ass cheek hard, over
and over. I lose count at around twenty smacks but I don’t care because it just
feels so GOOD. She knows it too, smiling as she does the same to my right cheek.

I moan louder than before, my pussy throbbing, my clit aching to be touched. She
senses this and pulls out of me a little, using strong arms to flip me over and
rest my legs on her shoulders. “I wanted to see your pretty little face as you
BEG me to cum like you never will again.” she says evilly, reaching down to rub
my clit with her expert fingers. “Now beg.” My words come in a stream of
gibberish as she fucks me even harder, her hips smacking against my ass.

“Please Mistress, please please please please please let me cum! Please please
please, I need it so so so bad, so fucking bad, please Mistress?” She smirks as
she rubs my clit faster, pressing down harder, and I start writhing in pure
ecstasy. “Hmm. No I think I’m gonna make you wait a little longer.” she smirks.
I whimper “Yes Mistress…” as she moves my hands to my breasts. “Good girl. Now
play with your nipples. Pinch them, make it hurt.”

I bite my lip as I pinch my nipples hard between my fingers, pulling them away
from my body, stretching them, making them so hard it hurts. I cry out in pain
and ecstasy, arching my back, my hips inching back until the head of her cock
hits my g-spot. My whole body shudders and shakes, and without provocation I
moan “Please Mistress may I please cum now? I can’t hold it in much longer… I
want it and need it *moan* so fucking bad…”

She chuckles “Aww poor baby! I suppose you can cum, since you won’t be able to
for awhile. Go ahead and don’t you dare stop until I say so.” and she fucks me
with almost inhuman speed, her cock moving like a blur in and out of my pussy,
her fingers moving evenf aster over my clit. I scream as I cum, my words turning
into gibberish and incoherent screams, my fingers pulling hard on my nipples, my
body siezing up as each orgasm surges through my body like a tidal wave.

I keep cumming, glancing at the clock every few minutes. She lets me cum for
awhile, probably about an hour pulling her cock out of my pussy at some point
and moving to lick me clean. She puts her hand on one of mine, motioning for me
to stop as she licks me gently. I gasp and lay limp, trying to catch my breath,
staring up at the ceiling as my body feels numb. She giggles and walks around to
the opposite side of the bed, her cock inches from my mouth.

She tilts my head back and I open my mouth obediently, moaning at the taste of
my cum on her cock. I can still taste hers too from when she let me fuck her. It
tastes so good and I suck and lick greedily, sucking harder to get more of her
cock into my mouth until I’m deepthroating it. I gag a little but ignore it as
she runs her fingers through my hair, down my chest, my stomach, smiling and
whispering “Such a cock hungry little whore. Suck my cock, clean it off.”

I lick and suck every inch, feeling sure it’s just about as clean as the day we
bought it by the time I’m done. She nods in approval, muttering “Good girl” as
she takes it off and puts it in one of many special drawers. I look at the clock
and gasp “Is it really nine at night?” and she chuckles “I suppose it is. Shall
we order some food and watch a movie in bed? I’m thinking Italian and
Burlesque.” I smile “That sounds absolutely perfect Mistress.”

She picks up the phone and orders our food in Italian, her voice sounding so
sexy as she does. As soon as she hangs up I pounce her, wrapping my legs around
her waist. “Mistress can we take a shower?” “Yes babydoll, but we can’t play.
The food will be here in about a half an hour.” I smile and giggle “I figured
that. Just being close to you is all I need.” She blushes “Aww so cute baby.” as
she kisses me softly, making me shiver as we walk to the shower.

I reach back and turn the water on after she opens the shower door. We step in
after the water is a perfect temperature, hot enough to feel amazing but not so
hot that it burns our skin. She pushes me to my knees and shampoos my hair,
going gently, slowly, knowing how much I love feeling fingers on my scalp,
especially hers. I moan softly, the mixture of sensations flowing through my
body making me horny all over again, my eyes closed, my head gently tilted back.

She finishes and pulls me up, pressing me against the shower wall and kissing
me. I moan softly again, reveling in the feel of her skin against mine, her
fingers in my hair, her tongue massaging mine. She pulls back and I breathlessly
whisper “I’m really gonna miss you” before wrapping my arms around her neck,
kissing her again, and she smiles against my lips, pushing both of us under the
stream of hot water from the showerhead, pinning me against the wall again.

We remain that way for a few minutes, kissing, caressing, touching, massaging…
somehow managing to finish our shower in between. We step out feeling refreshed,
elated, awakened, and right about the time the doorbell rings is when we’re
stepping out of the bathroom wrapped in towels. She quickly throws on gray PJ
pants and a t-shirt, tossing me a pair of boy shorts before padding to the front
door. Her exchange with the delivery guy is short and, of course, in Italian.

I pull on the boy shorts and check myself out in the mirror, loving how the deep
fuschia material contrasts against my milky skin. I slip a matching bra on and
poke my head out of the room only to be surprised by her face being barely an
inch from mine. I gasp and ebfore I can say anything she pulls me close, hugging
me tenderly and kissing my forehead. I blush almost as pink as my undies as she
giggles and takes my hand, leading me to the living room.

We drink red wine and eat our dinner, watching the movie and appropriately
getting up to sing and dance at the right parts, not wanting it to end because
as soon as it does we’ll have to go to bed. We make it last as long as possible,
rewinding parts of the movie, drinking extra wine, slow dancing to Bound To You,
kissing, holding each other. Before long we’re both pretty tipsy, but we somehow
manage to clean up our food and stuff without creating any new messes.

“Mistress, I don’t want you to leave…” I sigh as we lay in bed holding each
other. She kisses the top of my head and wraps her arms around me nore tightly
“I know baby, but I have to. It’s only for two weeks, it’ll be over before you
know it.” and as she says that I can hear the uncertainty in her voice. She
knows better than anyone that each minute will feel like an eternity when she’s
gone. I bury my face in her neck and inhale deeply, closing my eyes.

She runs her fingers through my hair and I sigh “I’ll miss this. And your voice,
and your warmth, and your everything.” I whisper, tears welling up in my eyes.
“Aww babygirl. You’ll be okay, and I’ll call you every day.” “Promise?” “I
promise.” “Okay *sniffle* that makes me feel a little better…” She kisses the
top of my head and whispers “Good, now kiss me. I love my babygirl’s lips…
both pairs…” she adds with a smirk, and she tilts my chin up so our eyes meet.

I blush softly and get totally lost in her eyes, hypnotized by them, just like I
am every time I look into them. I shiver slightly as she kisses me, her lips
barely touching mine. I whimper softly, my need for her growing more intense by
the second. I press against her a bit more, straddling her waist as I climb into
her lap. She smiles against my lips, muttering softly “Mmm naughty, naughty
babygirl…” causing me to blush but I keep moving, just wanting to feel her.

I don’t realize how tired I am and I fall asleep on top of her. She runs her
fingers gently through my hair and eventually falls asleep too, glad she’s
gotten everything done that she needs before leaving. It feels like it’s too
soon when we finally wake up promptly at 5:30. She’d protested at first but I
insisted that I want to see her off and be like the cheesy movie couple that
kisses and hugs dramatically before one of them leaves.

She laughs and nods “Alright. You’d better get dressed then, we leave in 45
minutes.” She leaves the room and I pull on a pair of jeans, smoothing them over
my legs and loving how they look on me. “These are her favorite pair on me…” I
mutter with a smile. I pull on a comfy bra just as she’s walking in, and she
pulls me into her arms and we hug for a long few minutes. I sigh softly as she
runs her fingers through my hair, closing my eyes tightly.

She places her hands on my shoulders, looking into my eyes which must hold a sad
look in them because she smiles gently. “Baby, you will be alright. I’m not
leaving you. You still have me.” I nod “I know Mistress. I’ll be okay.” and
smile back, and we finish getting ready wordlessly. I button my simple white
shirt and she puts on a dress that hugs her gorgeous curves but still leaves
quite a bit to the imagination. I help her with her things and we walk out.

The car is loaded and I get in first, buckling my seatbelt as she climbs in as
well. She puts in a CD and the first song that plays when the car is turned on
is Pocketful of Sunshine. I can’t help but smile and we both sing at the top of
our lungs. We do the same with the rest of the songs on it until we pull up to
the bus station with 10 minutes to spare, just ebough time for her to check in
and do everything she needs. When her back is turned I sigh, wiping away a tear.

She walks back over to me as her bigger bag is being loaded onto the cargo hold
on the bus, and she has her smaller bag slung over her shoulder. She drops it
and folds me into her arms, and I wrap my arms tightly around her neck. She
bends me over her arm, dipping me low to the ground and kissing me deeply,
keeping me securely in her arms. I kiss her back with relish, not wanting this
moment to end because as soon as it does I know she’ll have to leave.

It starts raining at that moment. “Bus 73, now loading. All passengers please
get on the bus.” is announced, and she sets me back up straight, pushing my
already wet hair out of my eyes. I caress her cheek, twirling a strand of her
hair around my fingers. “Babygirl, I have to go. Two weeks will be over before
you know it.” We hug one more time and I whisper “I know Mistress.” into her
ear, and she pulls away, kissing me one more time, lingering for a minute.

Suddenly the announcement goes off again and she sighs, picks up her bag, and
ruffles my hair. We exchange I love yous and just one more hug. I stand and
watch as walks to the bus and climbs on, the doors are closed, and it pulls
away. I stand there until it’s out of sight, then I nod and slowly walk back to
the car, climb in, turn it on, and drive home. No music plays and I’m left alone
with my thoughts and the sound of the rain beating on the car.

“This is appropriate…” I mumble softly as I drive home, knowing the way by
heart. I get out and walk to the front door, go in, close it behind me, and lean
against the door, sliding down to the floor and closing my eyes. It’s only then
that I allow myself to cry, drawing my knees up to my chest and rocking gently
back and forth, wishing she was there to hold me. I think that she’s not and I
cry harder, just wanting to be in her arms more than anything.

So lately, I’ve come to realize something. When it comes to posting on Plurk about me and Snow, I almost get embarrassed because I don’t want to be judged. This happens especially after I add new friends on there. It shouldn’t be that way though. I’m normally not the kind of person who keeps my feelings in, so why am I doing it on Plurk? Is it too public? Too many strangers? It can’t be that because I have a whole blog about Snow which I post to all the time and I have a profile on FetLife where I’m a completely different person compared to a lot of the websites I’m on. I just hold back a lot on Plurk for some reason.

I decided that it’s not gonna be that way anymore. It *shouldn’t* be that way anymore. I always say I’m so in love with her and I would do anything for her. Well, starting now I’m not gonna be afraid on Plurk anymore. When I hold back from saying something, I feel like it’ll come off as if I’m ashamed of loving her or something, which I’m not! Not in any way, shape, or form. If I could, I would climb to the top of Mt. Everest and proclaim my love for her, finding a way to make sure everyone in the world heard it. That sounds crazy and cliche, I know, but I’m a crazy and cliche kind of girl sometimes. You get used to it.

So, to all of those who are reading this, and to those who I’ve recently added on Plurk who don’t know this, my name is Sarah. I am bisexual and in love with the most amazing woman I could ever hope to meet. She’s my Mistress, and I’m her submissive, her slut, her whore, her babygirl, and whatever else she feels like calling me. I am proud to be hers, and she holds the most special place in my heart. I love her with everything I have, everything I am, and everything I could hope to be. I want only her for the rest of my life, and I am not now nor will I ever be interested in anyone else.

I may put up blog posts about my fantasy erotica I’m writing. I may post on Plurk about missing her and wanting her. I am who I am, and I’m proud of it! I can and will post whatever I like. If anyone doesn’t like it, they’re not worth my time. Not to sound like a bitch, but yeah! Thank you for reading this and have a wonderful Sunday.

(I know it’s been a month since I posted the last part, but I’ve been lacking inspiration and I’ve been super busy. Either way I hope you enjoy…)

When I come to, My Mistress is on top of me and straddling my waist. We’re still outside, both naked, and it’s still raining so I know I haven’t been out that long. She leans down and kisses my forehead, brushing my wet hair back from my face. I feel something shift between us and rub against my clit, making me squirm as she says “Hehe, I thought I’d try something different.” and she smirks as she raises her hips a bit, revealing that she’s fastened me into a strapon.

My jaw drops in surprise because she knows I love pleasing her like this but I get way too nervous. Before I can say anything she puts a finger to my lips then trails her nails down my chest and pinches my nipples between her fingers then starts to ride me slowly. I sit up carefully and kiss her, and she reciprocates my kiss with passion as she rides me faster, moaning against my lips. She grabs my ass and grinds against me, biting my lip and kissing me harder.

She pulls back from me a little, my lip still caught between her teeth. I arch my back, thrusting my hips backwards and thus pulling the fake cock halfway out of her pussy. She growls and pushes me back down, pinning my hands to the ground as she rides me harder, grabbing the back of my head and smothering my face with her breasts. I moan softly as the base of the strapon rubs against my clit, causing me to shudder as I try to match my hip movements with hers.

My mouth finds her right nipple and I suckle it like a hungry infant, latching onto it even as she moves so quickly over me. Her moans grow louder and her fingers lock into a tight grip on my hair, the rain creating friction as she rides me but both of our pussies are so wet it makes the sensations ten times better. I switch to suckling on her left nipple, nibbling it between my teeth, holding it there and licking it as she kisses the top of my head.

Our movements sync up as she rides me faster and harder, crying out that she’s going to cum, arching her back as the rain beats down on our naked bodies even harder, almost as if the clouds are parting just so the gods can watch our torrid, passionate display. She screams at the same time a roar of thunder rips through the sky, shaking the world around us as she starts cumming, and she clutches onto me as a flash of lightning illuminates her features.

I wrap my arms around her waist, raking my nails up her back as she cums, screaming out loudly, her body writhing as she rides my fake cock even faster. Her screams echo off of the walls, the trees, the patio furniture, sounding that much more loud as she seemingly competes with the thunder rolling through the skies. I feel an orgasm of my own coming as well, gasping and writhing under her as I thrust my hips and try to hold it in because this moment is about her.

She leans over me, panting heavily and rapidly as she keeps riding me, her arms wrapping tightly around my waist. She moans long and loud in my ear, her words turning into gibberish as I whimper softly, trying not to squirm too much as she stops moving, her body siezing up and her head rolling back as she screams louder than a sudden boom of thunder. I angle my hips up so my cock hits her g-spot, and I feel her cum squirt out of her spasming pussy as she screams louder.

She collapses on top of me, making my chances of licking up her cum near impossible, especially with the rain. I don’t mind though, because I love the feel of her body against mine, shaking and quivering as she tries to catch her breath. I feel good knowing that I’ve pleased her so greatly, and I gently run my fingers through her hair as she lifts her head and kisses me so gently that my body gives a delicious shudder, almost making her fall off of me.

I hold onto her, not wanting her to go anywhere, and she chuckles breathily, separating her lips from mine to look into my eyes. “Baby that was fantastic… and that last trick that made my last orgasm so fucking intense, where did you learn that?” I blush, my cheeks a pale pink against the soft light coming from inside the house as I answer softly “I learned it from you of course Mistress, you’re an amazing teacher!” and I bite my lip, my eyes searching hers.

She smirks, some of her fire coming back into her eyes “But of course you did, you little slut.” I whimper at her words, her tone, the look in her eyes that tells me I’ve given her the right answer. I gulp, my mouth hanging open as I try to find the right words to say, stray raindrops falling into my mouth. She keeps smirking as she leans down again to kiss my ears, my forehead, my cheeks, my neck, my collarbone, pulling my head to the side when she grabs my hair.

I moan softly and gladly comply to the way she moves me, one of my hands resting on the small of her back as my other hand lays beside my head on the ground. She kisses each corner of my lips, then the tip of my nose, then my forehead, making delicious shudders run through my body. I run my fingertips up and down her back, feeling her nipples hardening against mine, causing me to gasp as she whispers “I know you desire something slut. What is it? Tell. Me. NOW.”

I stutter for a minute and she grabs my chin “Well??” “I… I… w-well… I would love for you to just h-have your way with me…” At that moment, almost as if on cue, a boom of thunder rips through the sky and a flash of lightning illuminates the patio and I can see a wild look in her eyes as she licks her lips. Before I know it I’m on my knees, she’s wearing a bigger strapon, and she’s holding my wrists behind my back, her cock pressed against my ass.

I blink a few times, her free hand finding my hair and yanking my head back so she can kiss me. I cry out in pain and pleasure against her lips, her tongue forcing its way into my mouth and massaging mine with hers, a sweet moan managing to escape my lips. She purrs, making my lips vibrate and my desire for her grow even more, as if such a thing is possible. I squirm against her as her lips separate from mine, an evil gleam in her eye.

She holds her cock with one hand and runs it slowly up and down my pussy lips, taking care not to touch my clit. I whimper as she lets me go and I brace my hands on the cold, hard ground, my warm body tensing up as the rain hits my back. She pushes the head of her cock into my pussy, holding it there, and I whimper softly, inching my hips upwards, trying to get more of her into me. She pulls away slightly “Ah ah ah, you have to beg for it. So fucking beg, bitch.”

I groan with pure sexual frustration as I moan “Please Mistress, fuck me hard, I’m an insatiable, horny little slut and I need it so fucking badly. Please?” She pushes into me a few more inches, smacking my ass, making me moan. I manage a shaky whisper, a single word passing through my lips “Please…” I can feel her smirk as she pulls almost all the way out, then she pounds back into me with one thrust, her cock buried deep in my tight cunt.

So okay. For those of you who don’t know, my mom died in October of 2010, which is kind of important to this story.

I dreamed that my mom, my younger sister, my older sister, and I were in the car going somewhere. My mom was still well enough to drive so she was, but nobody told me where we were going. Then I found out that we were driving my younger sister to meet some of her friends at an Avril Lavigne concert. Being a huge Avril fan myself, I of course wanted to go. My mom said yes, then she started having one of her Multiple Sclerosis “attacks” (which happened a lot in reality), so my older sister suggested we turn around and go home and my mom would stay and my older sister would drive us to the concert.

So when we got home, I rushed around my room getting ready to go. I looked for the right jeans, top, nail polish, lipstick, etc. but I was taking longer than usual to get ready, like I was moving in slow motion or something, and I kept spilling things on my bed. Right about when I was grabbing my camera and my purse to run out the door, I woke up.

Tell me that’s not weird! I’ve had dreams about my mom still being alive before. I don’t know what they mean though. I’ve heard of people who have passed on trying to reach you through your dreams, or maybe that’s just a myth. If anyone sees this and has some insight or advice, I would really appreciate it.

But yeah… I also wanted to go go that concert damnit… lol